Pocky Part 2
i.e. The time I was punished for not being terminally on Tumblr (but didn't understand that's what was happening at the time)
Read Part One here.
(Definitions Disclaimer: If any of you reading are still somehow internet-innocent enough to ask: "What is yaoi?" or "What is shounen-ai?"
I recommend NOT Googling it but instead going to UrbanDictionary.com & clearing that up for yourself. The difference is RARELY specified even WITHIN the subculture & frequently argued about, to the point where I didn't even know there WAS one - until YEARS after the events of this post!
Googling definitions for ' shōnen ' and ' shōjo ' should yield perfectly acceptable, non-regret inducing results.)
"Oh, is anybody using new pronouns?"
Megan's question rang out across Brittany's kitchen behind me on New Year's Eve, 2016.
It was our usual location for our annual New Years party and the only time the lot of us were all in the same room anymore due to the collective diverse circumstances of geography.
Unease started bubbling up from the depths of my stomach at the kitchen sink.
Why would she ask that here? I wondered internally, Only Debbie is trans.
Becky piped up: "I'm using they/them now."
Conversational topics moved on and my unease reduced, still swishing lightly around in my stomach. Debbie was sporting a BLM pin on her usual jacket that hadn't been there in past gatherings. I was vaguely aware that they were an organization, and at the time that was as far as my knowledge went.
We all filtered out of the kitchen and made our way to the den downstairs, getting ready to start drinking & discussing what to watch.
A certain ice skating sports anime was VERY popular at the time among young women and they were all apparently fans so it was quickly suggested & enthusiastically endorsed.
Having been caught up in a lot of new personal happenings over that past year I was (or so I thought) only a bit out of the anime loop, so I asked them what it was about.
They informed me that it was a sports anime series about competitive figure skating, but it became clear to me immediately that wasn't what they were excited about.
What they were so enthused about was actually the romance subplot between the title character and his trainer.
It was at this point I asked them - in all earnestness, conversationally & without any trace of sarcasm - if it was a yaoi.
They all turned sharply to face me.
I feel it's necessary to add some additional context at this point.
I've mentioned previously that this friend group introduced me to anime and manga, which is true - but those subcultures have weird, subtopical spaces (and a couple of very dark corners that I won't be discussing here today) that those outside of such social circles are often blithely unaware of.
One of these is shounen-ai, which was definitely popular amongst the majority of this friend group.
I had quickly discovered I prefered shōnen 99% of the time and shōjo the other 1%.
"No thanks...do you have volume 9 of Bleach right now? Anne can't remember who's got it now, I've called it next."
I remember joking with other high school friends outside of that group about shounen-ai, since I just - really, really did not get the sustained, long term appeal it seemed to hold for my main circle of friends. There were real, and more importantly IMO, straight guys all around us almost everyday, for crying out loud!
While yaoi material itself was never exchanged openly (that I know of) among us like regular anime/manga was, it was referenced and joked about frequently enough for me to reasonably suspect that at least a couple of them were more un-ironically interested in it than they were trying to let on.
For at least a year back during high school they frequently "joked" about sending me into the walled-off +18 manga section at cons since I was turning 18 sooner than the rest of them. They forgot to ever actually request that I do this (and I didn't exactly ever feel compelled to remind them).
Now, back to the party!
I can only describe what happened next, after they all turned to face me as one, as a deafening cacophony of vitriol and hate.
It was impossible to decipher every specific thing that was said, but it honestly felt like what they had said hadn't been the part that mattered.
I caught bits & pieces here & there:
"HOW DARE YOU!!!"
"THEY'RE IN LOVE!!!"
"HOW COULD -"
I physically reeled back two feet from where I was originally standing. Brittany, who'd just rejoined the main room and was thus the only person present who hadn't been actively screaming at me a second ago - was staring at me, emotional distress outlined and projecting from her pale eyes.
The rest of them all stood rigidly across from me, eyes glittering with rage for a second more before the coiled tension of the room began diffusing into quiet unease.
A couple more socially enterprising friends from the group took up the new silence to begin crafting new conversations.
Outwardly I remained calm, internally however I was a tangled jumble of confusion, shock and hurt.
These other women cared about me - they'd never spoken to me like that before.
Getting yelled at for making a mistake was what used to happen to me 'at home', never here - while I was safe with them.
...Wasn't it?
We all started drinking and watched at least two or three episodes before switching to a Star Trek title late in the evening. (Sorry Trekkies, by that point I was too drunk to remember which one! I think it was Picard focused)
During the anime episodes, one of my friends had an almost apologetic tone when talking to me as we watched:
My drunk friend Anne to me:
"Yeah, see - it's good isn't it?” :)
Buzzed Me to my drunk friend Anne, actively wishing I was drunker:
"Yeah, it's pretty good." :)
In the back of my buzzed brain I cynically wondered what an actual gay man would make of the show, dryly quipping to myself my first thought of 2017 as the clocks throughout the house rang in the new year of 2017:
Too bad there aren't any actual gay men here to ask.
I almost wish I could say it was the last time I had a snarky thought like that.
Almost.
(Final Disclaimer: I already know what some readers may accuse me of, so I just wanted to go ahead and state the following: I am by no means a prude, but when porn or other similar material seems to be getting in the way of/ interfering with people developing genuine romantic human connections with other people then I have a Very Big Problem with it and IMO you should as well.
Dysfunctional consumption aside, by all means do what you want legally, consensually, & sensibly - and I will not hold it against you.)